Safer in Your Arms
by Anesidora Nichole
Summary: Remus finds it ironic that some of the traits he found most infuriating in Sirius more than twenty years ago are very much present in Tonks. What make them different? T for some sexual references but nothing graphic in my opinion. RLSB and RLNT. One shot


A/N: Eh, not my best work. Just playing a little bit with an idea and some characterization. Hopefully some of you like it or at least find it interesting. Read and review. One shot.

If Remus Lupin was being honest with himself, and he made an effort to be honest with himself as much as his sanity would allow, Tonks and Sirius were not that different.

They both had low inhibitions, for example, and seemingly no filter between their brains and their mouths. He appreciated the irony in the fact that some of the traits that had most irked him about Sirius were present in Tonks. Some of the good traits were present, as well, such as a fierce loyalty to friends. Still, when things were new, he had thought of Tonks as being softer than Sirius.

He had thought, about three weeks into their sexual relations, that Tonks could no longer surprise him in the bedroom. He had come home to find everyone from the lead singer of the Weird Sisters - a pop reference that was rather lost on him to his girlfriend's dismay - to Muggle movie stars sitting on his bed, half-naked. He found it awkward largely because Tonks did such a good job on the appearance and even though she _acted_ the same, it was a bit like having sex with a stranger. She continuously probed him for what his idea woman looked like, and when he informed her that he didn't _have_ an ideal woman, she resorted to casually asking questions. What color do you want my hair to be tonight? Do you prefer busty girls? It annoyed him, a bit, so he was relieved when he came home one night to find Tonks looking like . . . well, Tonks.

Dark hair, light skin, dark eyes. Characteristic features of the Black family; he wondered if Andromeda appreciated the irony. Tonks would blend right in at a family reunion. She was wearing a sexy lingerie set that left little to the imagination and showed off generous portions of her flawless skin. Her skin was _so _soft and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to trace his fingers over her revealed stomach; down, down, down . . .

She stopped him though, and smiled slyly, "I want to show you something."

Tonks went over to her overnight bag and rummaged though it - he supposed it must be magically enlarged - before pulling out a coiled whip. She grinned triumphantly as she handed it to him. He was surprised by the unspoken request and examined it closely. It appeared to be dragonhide. It was a very sturdy material without much give. Tonks didn't know he was quite experienced at this sort of thing, but he supposed he could chock it up to another similarity between Tonks and Sirius.

Oh, not that he didn't enjoy it, of course. Tonks made the most exquisite faces when the whip lashed her. Truly beautiful with little gasps of pleasure and pain. When he had first done this with Sirius, he had been very conflicted by the thrill of pleasure he got from it. Was it because he was a werewolf that he enjoyed inflicting a little bit of pain? And he couldn't tell if he was imagining it, but it seemed like closer to the full moon his pleasure was more intense. He'd tried to research whether this was normal, but there was little written on werewolf sexuality. Just as well; he could imagine the incensed purebloods at the idea of werewolves ravishing their sons and daughters.

It was different with Tonks, though; the whip was enchanted to be incapable of doing any real damage and had a pain threshold that Tonks had set ahead of time which was a relief not to have to monitor himself so closely. Sirius had never put such safeguards in place. Indeed, Sirius had seemed determined to break through his pain thresholds and there had been times when Remus had been very uncomfortable. Sirius would push for more, to do it _harder_. For Tonks, the pain enhanced her pleasure; the pleasure Sirius had taken in it, if any at all, had been grim. Sometimes Remus would catch a glimmer of something in his eyes; self-hatred, maybe? A desire to be punished?

Sometimes, when he began to overthink things, as he often had in school according to James, he would wonder how a sixteen-year-old had found that he had a desire for pain and punishment. Tonks was different; she was in her twenties and had - she made this no secret - been around the block, so to speak. To be honest, Sirius Black had scared him, long before he had been suspected of contributing to the murder of two of his best friends. They had been bad for each other; Remus because he enabled and Sirius because . . . well, he was the type of person who always seemed on the edge of spiraling out of control and taking everyone around him down with him.

Remus sighed and stretched out in the too-small bed in his too-small flat in London. Tonks was curled up against him, her body warm, looking for all the world like an innocent schoolgirl. She opened her eyes and grinned up wickedly at him. "Did I tire you out?"

He smiled down at her, "New moon."

"Oh, just admit it; you can't keep up with me, old man." She liked to tease him about his age even though she knew he didn't like that. He felt painfully awkward with her in public; embarrassed, maybe even a little guilty. Tonks didn't seem to notice. She would hold his hand and kiss him and even sit on his lap at the Order meetings. Not that he was ashamed of her, of course.

He ran a single finger down her back and she shivered, burying her face in his chest. She muttered something into his chest and he said, "What now?"

"I _said,_" she propped herself up, "When are you going to marry me, Lupin? Make me an honest woman?"

His stomach did a little flip like it did whenever she started talking about long term plans. She didn't understand his resistance to the idea of getting married or _at least_ moving in together. She had seen his worst side and she didn't care, she still loved him. _That_ made him uncomfortable. He understood, though, she needed to feel secure. She had seen some shit in her short life working as an auror and she wanted somewhere safe. Remus snorted at the thought of him being thought of as safe.

She frowned at him; a real frown, not a play one, and he realized she probably thought he was laughing at her. He pulled her back down toward him and said, "So, does this pain kink run in the Black family?"

Tonks giggled, "I don't know, my 'dear' aunt seems like the whips and chains type."

Tonks knew about him and Sirius. She wasn't the jealous type and appreciated his honesty. "You know, the first time Sirius had me use the whip on him, I still didn't really know my own strength. I hurt him pretty bad."

"Mm. That's what safety charms are for."

Remus didn't bother to tell her that Sirius had not employed any safety measures, "We had to go to Madame Pomfrey."

Tonks had a good long laugh at this, and Remus was glad he had successfully changed the topic. "Oh, my God. I think even I would have been embarrassed. Why didn't you just heal it yourself?"

"We were both shit at healing spells. James probably could have done it but we weren't exactly out at that point. We didn't have a choice."

She giggled again, "Did you get in trouble?"

There were technically rules against fornication between students in school but enforcing that particular rule would have definitely thinned the student population, "Not really. She's pretty discreet, you know, and she had just started. I don't think she knew what to do or say. Plus, she had a soft spot for me. Spent a lot of time in the hospital wing."

Tonks fell asleep shortly after that and he listened to her steady breathing. It was selfish for him to be with her, to continue to let her seduce him night after night, to change the subject from marriage but never directly tell her it wasn't a possibility. He suddenly felt very weighed down. All she wanted was to be safe, but in these times she might as well be asking for the world.


End file.
